It has been over four years since healing from my illness, in the sense that I got my life back, regained functioning (albeit not without challenges), and was no longer dependent on medication. However, through doing my best to live a good life during the past few years, I have realized that there is a process of healing after healing. After the illness is healed, we may still have to do some cleanup to heal our wounds, our hurts, and even our broken hearts.
During the illness, I was so focused on fighting for survival, that I didn’t have the opportunity to realize just how hurt I was. I knew that my heart was numb, but I didn’t give it much thought beyond that. I didn’t know how broken it was. I have only just started to come to realize this recently. Full healing, I believe, is really a life-long process. Every day I work on facing life’s challenges and serving others, while also nurturing myself enough to maintain balance. Balance is an art-form that requires daily practice.
I just re-watched the old film Groundhog Day, with Bill Murray, where he has to relive the same day over and over again, miserable, until he starts to live for others and finally ends up having a perfect, joy-filled day. I recognized again that our life is like that. Every day is a gift where we get another chance at living our best life. Every day we can work on doing a little better than we did the day before. Every day we have the opportunity to be a little kinder to people, a little more loving.
We just have to be forgiving with ourselves. I am doing the best I can, and so I know that you are too! The illness was not our fault. Our challenges are not our fault. We didn’t choose the war, but we can choose to fight for what’s good. We can choose to fight for the Light. Over time, little by little, we make progress, we move forward, we heal, our hearts can heal, and we can build a joyful and meaningful life for ourselves and for those around us. Also, we can find enjoyment in the process (a love of the journey).
I wish you the best, and a very healing journey! God bless you.