As Easter approaches it’s important to remember its significance, especially during these trying times. As someone with a history of mental illness, I feel both prepared for these challenges (I’ve been through far worse for far longer), but also a little afraid (of the isolation, loneliness, etc.). Even though I’ve done tremendous work to grow over many years, my old, dysfunctional patterns still seem to be there inside, though faded.
I have to remind myself that I have developed new habits and routines for staying healthy. I am not the same person that I was before. I’m stronger, more experienced, and like tempered metal, better able to weather any storms. Moreover, I have learned a deep faith in God that feels stronger than I am. I can surrender to it. I know that when I fail, as I do regularly, that I am still loved.
In these moments, I have to try to have compassion for myself. I’d love to feed into self-loathing, and self-pity, but I know it serves no purpose. I have to remind myself of the hardships I’ve been through, my innocence that has been stolen, and the enormous challenges that we face in our society today. I’ve accepted that I fail no matter how hard I try, and that God knows this and loves me anyway.
When I fail, it’s a reminder to me of God’s love for me, through Jesus, and of my reliance on Him. I’m not able to make it on my own. I’m powerless against sin and death. When Jesus died on the cross He buried my sins, and with His resurrection He gave me new life, a new beginning. He did what I cannot. Knowing this gives me peace, because when I fall short, it reminds me to turn to Jesus. My own shortcomings can help to deepen my love for God, when I have compassion for myself.
I hope this Easter weekend you know that no matter what, you are loved beyond imagination. God bless you!